“All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?”
– Eliza Doolittle, My Fair Lady
I’m bold and realistic enough to admit that the last week hasn’t been the most confident for me. For whatever reason, I’ve been seriously hard on myself, and I don’t mean in terms of my work or mind either. I’ve been hard on my body, on the body that I lug to the gym at least 4 times a week, and I’ve been hard on my face, my eyes, my cheeks, my mouth. Everybody has their day, their week, their month, even their year or more of being a little bit self-conscious and less than satisfied with their appearance, and I’ve been going through this sort of rut for a little while now.
And, to clarify, I’m not depressed or concerned about it at all, because I know just how natural it is. I go through this every once in awhile, and I’ve figured out by now that all I need to do is just keep smiling at myself in the mirror, keep dressing to inspire myself, and eventually things will come back to order. You may be wondering why I’ve chosen to share all of this on my blog. Well, first of all, my feelings fit pretty well with the quote above from My Fair Lady, which I’ve chosen as my #JNGListens selection for this week from my Twitter catalogue. Secondly, I’ve been delving into reading some new blogs recently, and I find that I am absolutely obsessed with bloggers that discuss lifestyle topics and that are open and honest about their daily struggles and insecurities. Victoria from Inthefrow and Megs from Wonderful You are among my inspirations at the moment, and so I was feeling particularly share-y as well!
Having said that, when I see pictures of Victoria and Megs with their flawless make up, I absolutely become hard on myself. I don’t wear any make up at all to be honest; I can’t stand mascara and eyeshadow because they burn my sensitive eyes, and the most I actually apply to my face is a bit of concealer to cover up some different coloured bits on my face. I’m also a huge fan of lipstick of almost every shade and variety, but that’s because I find it easy to apply and effortlessly painless to wear. I will admit, though, that I engage in a debate on almost a daily basis where I wonder whether or not I should actually wear some make up. My gorgeous mother and incredible boyfriend tell me that I don’t need any, and I truly believe them, but sometimes I wonder if I’m supposed to wear it, to be taken more seriously in the world. I think it’s very sad that I feel this way because I don’t think make up or a particular style of clothing should define how a person is perceived, but that’s just the reality of the society we live in. So, I struggle more often than I’d care to admit and I do question my appearance and my stylistic choices often.
Which brings me to the #JNGListens quote of this week. A short while ago, I was in a scenario where I had to decide to either be true to myself and the physical appearance I had chosen and cultivated, or dress and pretend to be someone I definitely am not. I won’t go into too many details, but at the time I felt that, in order to be accepted by a certain clique, I needed to quite literally “skank up” my appearance, go heavy on the make up and tight with the outfit. This just isn’t me at all – you can probably tell from some of my Fashion posts on this blog that I do enjoy dressing well and looking good, but I try to keep things classy and edgy, and I have never been comfortable conforming to certain styles just because a certain group of people believes them to be “sexy” or “hot”. I think I can be those two things just fine on my own terms, thank you very much. So, long story short, I decided not to put myself in that social situation at all…and I felt so much better and immediately relieved for it. I realized that I don’t need to look any way I don’t want to – it is MY own choice and no one can take that away from me, unless I let them.
And that’s when Eliza Doolittle’s musical rant came into my mind. All I wanted in those moments was to just be a simple flower girl in a florist’s shop…looking pink and peachy and full of spring life, but still soft and sophisticated. I wanted nothing more than to spend a few hours surrounded by flowers, surrounded by things that are simplistically and NATURALLY beautiful, and not overdone. I imagined myself in a room all my own, sitting by a fire, perfectly calm and at peace with the way I looked, not comparing myself to anyone else in terms of appearance, personality or circumstances. I wanted the QUIET seclusion that Eliza craved. This song replayed itself in my mind for a while, and so I thought I needed to share the quote with you all! (Sidenote: If you haven’t heard this song, find a way to get your hands on My Fair Lady and watch it immediately! I’ve said it before but I’ll say it as many times as I need to: it is a brilliant movie!)
My final thoughts? I may not look like one of those traditionally coveted girls, with their skimpy skirts, polished hair and bold faces. But, I think I do well enough on a day-to-day basis, and I am often proud of the image I present to my world. I’m not confident every single day, mind you, but there are significantly more days when I am than when I’m not…and the only way to keep those days coming is to stay true to myself!
Simply and authentically yours,
Girl with a Bare Face and a Green Heart