My Body, My Choice ~ My Opinion on Abortion

There is only one thing I have done in my life that I have truly regretted, and it is a choice I made back when I was in high school (as so many of these things are). I went to a Catholic high school, and while I wouldn’t say that I was staunchly pro-life or anti-gay marriage, I was taught these sorts of opinions in my classes at school and I have to admit that I didn’t think to question them at the time. I want to say that this was because of my age or naïveté, but those are just excuses – the truth is that I was just ill-informed, and didn’t have the urge to make myself better-informed, which is without doubt very sad. One day, back when I was in grade 11 or 12, my English teacher approached me and asked if I would be willing to write an essay for a competition my school wanted to enter. I had very high marks in English, so I knew the teacher was coming to me because he hoped I would write an essay that would win the competition and bring some sort of recognition to our school in a relatively small town. When I asked what the essay had to be about, my English teacher told me that it needed to be a pro-life essay – basically an essay that was anti-abortion and argued for why abortion was wrong. I do remember feeling a bit uneasy about this, but I didn’t want to disappoint one of my favourite teachers and my entire school, so I agreed to write the essay.

That was the hardest piece I have ever written in my life. Again, it wasn’t because I considered myself pro-choice at the time (I like to think if I did, I would’ve had enough backbone and self-respect to decline writing the essay altogether). My difficulty came when I sat down in front of my laptop and realized I didn’t have any good arguments for why abortion was wrong other than, naturally, what the Bible (which I hadn’t even fully read, to be honest) told me. I wished that I never agreed to write the essay – something I wish even more fiercely now – and I wrote several drafts that were, to put it mildly, pitiful. Eventually, I turned to my dad for some guidance and he suggested I take the angle that the unborn child could turn out to be the next Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King, and focus on the lost potential that abortion precipitates. Of course, the unborn child could also go on to be the next Hitler, but we didn’t think about that too closely.

(It is worth noting here that my father is firmly pro-choice now and his opinions altered significantly at around the same time mine did.)

I really wasn’t all that confident in the essay but I ended up winning the competition. To say my teacher and my school were very proud is an understatement. When they stated that I had won over the morning announcements, I recall feeling some embarrassment, but I’m not sure if that was because of the subject matter of my prize-winning essay or because the announcement revealed me as the high achiever that I was in front of all my peers. In any case, I was then asked by the association who ran the competition to attend one of their meetings and read my essay in front of several hundred of their members. Somehow (surprise, surprise), I didn’t have the courage to turn that down either, and a few weeks later, I found myself surrounded by a room full of hardcore Catholics (as well as my parents and grandparents) reading words that I wasn’t exactly confident in.

It didn’t take long for me to investigate the topic of abortion again and come to a totally different conclusion than the one I spouted in my essay. Two years later, I was in university in downtown Toronto and was exposed to a whole lot of things I didn’t get to see or hear about in my tiny Catholic school. And I knew within months of being at university that everything I had been taught was absurd and outlandish – at that point, I became adamantly pro-choice and I have been so ever since.

When I think about it now, writing that pro-life essay, and apparently writing it pretty well, is a source of shame because it so radically conflicts with what I now know to be true. I don’t want this post to come across as accusatory of those that are religious or are pro-life for whatever reason. I am not trying to criticize these viewpoints because my main stance is that I am pro-CHOICE. This can easily become conflated with being pro-abortion, but that is completely erroneous, false and unjust. I have never professed the opinion that a woman must or should have an abortion – on the contrary, I have always believed the opposite, that a pregnant woman should be free to do whatever she chooses, whether that be to keep her unborn child or to have an abortion. I believe in the choice and in the fact that every person, male or female, deserves to be able to make their own decisions about what happens to their own body.

Obviously, abortion is a hot topic right now, hence this very post. I have recently come up against the opinion that my position on abortion should be different now that I am pregnant, and I wanted to set the record straight that my opinion has not and will not ever change. I am and always will be (PROUDLY!) pro-choice, and having a child inside of me does not alter that fact. On the contrary, it makes me more firmly pro-choice because I now realize the magnitude of being pregnant and the challenges that I face in raising a child. If a woman does not feel she is ready for that responsibility, is not in a relationship that will allow her to comfortably raise a child, or has been forced into the circumstance of pregnancy because of a horrific incident such as rape or incest, then that woman should absolutely, without question have the right to terminate her unwanted pregnancy. It is that simple and straightforward, and this is an opinion that is scientifically and medically supported. In my opinion, religion should not enter the picture here – we should be looking to doctors and medical professionals to assess when abortion is safe and allowing them to do their job, in conjunction with the circumstances of their female patients. If a religious woman (or any woman for that matter) chooses not to have an abortion herself, again, that is totally fine because, being pro-choice, I believe that woman should get to do exactly what she wants in that situation. The circumstances surrounding abortion are so subjective and so dependant on the individual woman and the scenario she is faced with, and I think it is dangerous to make blanket statements and blanket laws that apply to everyone across the board without understanding the subtle nuances at play.

I also firmly believe that no one has the right to tell me when I should become pregnant – not my family members, not my friends, not my employer and certainly not my government. My husband would have a say, certainly, but he should not be allowed to make that decision himself, without my active participation in it. Just as I believe no one can or should dictate when I choose to have a child, I feel strongly that no one should force me to have a child if I do not want it, and that is what is at stake here. I am not a politician and I haven’t read enough to know every minor detail of the laws that are being put forth recently, but I do know that the right to have an abortion is a human right. That makes this a question of human decency and compassion, and I personally cannot imagine being the type of individual who would subject a woman to carrying a baby to term that she does not want. That seems cruel and unjust to me in every sense, and I like to think that if there is a god, he or she would support those of us who protect and fight for the rights of ALL humans, not just a select few.

If this opinion offends any of you, I do apologize for that – but it may be worth remembering that your opinion may equally offend other people out there, and so no one is completely spotless or innocent when it comes to these sorts of debates. I go to bed each night feeling like a very good person because I try to be sympathetic and empathetic toward all of my fellow humans…and that is all I can really hope for when I turn out the lights at the end of a long day…

Janille N G

Girl with a Green Heart

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The Role of “Mother” ~ My Favourite YouTube Pregnancy Journeys

Hi Everyone and Happy Almost-Friday!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about something I mentioned in a previous post, when I announced that I was pregnant. What’s been on my mind is the fact that, now that I am halfway through my pregnancy and my baby boy will be arriving soon, my identity and primary role in life will necessarily evolve into that of “mother” above all else. This is probably the most jarring thing about welcoming a baby into the world because, naturally, it is a total adjustment to reconfigure your mind and your lifestyle in a way that will put this little bundle of joy before everything. It’s taken me a few months to really come to terms with the fact that I am, technically, a mother even now, and to really think about what this means for my future. As I mentioned in my previous post, it’s very possible that this new role of “mother” will prevent me from doing things that I used to do easily in the past, but it is absolutely certain that this new identity of mine will encourage me to reprioritize many things and re-evaluate whether my life goals and pursuits are actually that crucial or significant (as compared to caring for my child). I personally am becoming very excited to give myself completely to this next chapter of my life, and I am eager to throw myself into becoming a new sort of person, one who is a combination of the ambitious, driven woman I have also been as well as the loving, caring and nurturing woman I will have to become. I think that taking on this new role will definitely shake things up for me, and help me to realize what is truly most important in life, and this is something that I am choosing to be invigorated by rather than afraid of.

One of the things that has helped me to understand what the role of “mother” will be like and how it will differ from other roles I’ve had in my life in the past is watching the pregnancy journeys of several women on YouTube. My doctor recommended to me, when I expressed concerns about coming to terms with this altered identity, that I do things to feel bonded with my baby and to make myself excited about motherhood, and I have found that following certain YouTube vloggers on their journeys to become mothers has been extremely enjoyable for me and has helped me to understand that I can be an incredible mother and also be my own person, that I can have a fulfilling and fabulous life but also choose to put my family and my child first. I have been uplifted, particularly on days of overwhelming anxiety and uncertainty, by these women’s videos, and I wanted to share some of their information with you all in case you are interested in engaging with some of their content (and seeing their ADORABLE babies!) as well.

My Favourite Pregnancy Journeys on YouTube

★ Sarahs Day 

My husband and I are pretty much obsessed with the YouTube channel Sarahs Day which follows Sarah, her boyfriend Kurt and their adorable newborn son Fox Ocean. I literally cannot stop smiling every time I watch a video on Sarah’s channel, and her Instagram stories of Fox’s daily activities are among the cutest things I have ever seen on the Internet! What I especially appreciate about Sarah’s content is just how much joy she evidently derives from being a mother – it is truly heartwarming to watch her interacting with her baby boy, and she seems to be very happy and overjoyed to have the opportunity to be his mother. Yes, she also highlights the challenges of being a new mom and the fact that her routine (particularly as it pertains to her intense workouts) has totally changed, but she never complains about any of this and there is this underlying emphasis on gratitude throughout all of her content. It is really very inspiring to me to watch her tackle each day of motherhood with positivity and optimism and enthusiasm, and those are definitely traits I want to emulate when my own baby boy comes along!

★ Carly Rowena 

Carly is an absolute badass, and I have always been a big fan of hers! When I found out that she recently had a baby girl, Jax, I had to go back and watch all of her videos related to her pregnancy. Her and her husband, Leon, are absolutely hilarious and have the best chemistry – you can tell from the beginning that they are going to be fabulous parents, and then when you see them both interacting with Jax, it becomes even more clear that they are incredible! Carly is also extremely honest, and when I was first battling my severe anxiety during my pregnancy, I turned to Carly’s videos as a source of reassurance because she speaks so openly about all of her emotions and feelings throughout her journey of motherhood. She is even more open on her Instagram stories, and she is not afraid to cry if she is frustrated or sad about something, or just having a hard day in general. She is also a total force to be reckoned with in the gym, and her pregnancy workouts have totally blown me away and made me feel so encouraged to get into the gym every day to keep up my physical and mental health. Carly is without doubt the type of fit and fabulous mother I want to be!

★ LoeppkysLife 

The channel LoeppkysLife follows Delilah and her young family. She has two children under two years old, and I particularly became interested in her content when I found out she was a fellow Canadian, since it is so helpful to get information about hospital systems and things of that sort that are actually relevant to my own experience. Delilah’s vlogs are especially nice because she is so down-to-earth and genuine – she is, like Carly and Sarah, totally honest about her emotions and does not shy away from admitting if she’s having a hard time or is feeling frustrated and depressed. She’s not trying to portray this perfect veneer of motherhood, but at the same time, her affection for her children is obvious and they are clearly so enamoured with her. It’s also so cute when her daughter decides to take over the camera and vlog for herself, and you just get this sweet picture of a humble and realistic family! I feel like I could be friends with Delilah in real-life because she so kind. And, her Instagram content is absolutely beautiful because her photos all have a really curated, gorgeous style – definitely a mother I will be following throughout my own journey as a parent!

Honourable Mentions

My husband and I mainly watch the three content creators mentioned above, but we do find the time to sprinkle in videos from two other channels as well: Aspyn and Parker and Colleen Ballinger. Content from both of these channels always brings a huge smile to our faces! Colleen is absolutely hilarious, and while my husband also really likes her Miranda Sings persona, I appreciate being able to see her real side in her interactions with her newborn son. She’s unfailingly honest as well and tells it like it is (she was super honest about her son’s colicky phase and how heartbreaking that was for her), and that’s something I think is really valuable in any content directed at new mothers. Aspyn and Parker are also incredibly endearing, and Aspyn in only a few weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy, so it is really nice to see what she is going through in real-time as I am also experiencing it all myself.

One thing I try not to do, as I watch videos from all of these YouTube channels, is compare my exact experiences to what these ladies are going through or have gone through, because I know every pregnancy is different and no two babies are exactly alike. That being said, it has been very comforting to watch other young mothers go through the experience of pregnancy and childbirth and come out the other side with these gorgeous, lovable babies. I get more and more excited about my baby boy’s arrival with each YouTube video I watch – truly, September cannot come soon enough!

Do you have any recommendations for other similar YouTube channels I should subscribe to? I’d love to hear!

JNG

Girl with a Green Heart

It’s A… Prince Charming! ♔

This is just too much of a coincidence… Or could it be Fate?

I’m not one to piggyback on someone else’s good news, but in this particular case, I simply couldn’t resist!

As some of you may already know, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced yesterday that they have welcomed their new baby BOY into the world. I’m a huge fan of all things royal (that’s pretty transparent on this blog, I’m sure!), and I was so excited to hear this news yesterday. I would’ve been interested anyway, but my excitement was intensified by the fact that I found out, just over a week ago, the gender of my own baby (who is due in September).

I’m having…

*drum roll please*

…a baby BOY!!!

That’s right, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle won’t be the only ones with a little prince running around their household, because as of this Fall, I too will have a Prince Charming on my hands.

I think this is such a wonderful coincidence, and definitely made me ten times more excited to be having a little boy, because the fashion inspo I am going to get from Harry and Meghan’s child will be unreal. Haha! 😉

But on a more serious note, my husband and I are both thrilled and overjoyed that we are having a boy. A lot of people have asked me if I’m disappointed (which I think is pretty weird because I don’t know how you can be disappointed with the gender of your baby as long as it is healthy), but I honest to goodness am not! When I was in high school, I went through a phase where I pictured myself with a male child – this probably has a lot to do with the fact that I had just read The Time Traveler’s Wifefor the first time and loved the dynamic between Henry DeTamble and his mother. (Sidenote: Is the scene in the movie adaptation when Henry sees his mother on the subway, while time traveling, and tells her, “Your son loves you very much.” not utterly adorable?!?!) Whatever the reason, there was a long period of time when I just felt certain I would have a little boy of my own one day, and since I have always only wanted one child (my husband is also on board with this, as an only child himself), I never really entertained the idea of or envisioned having both a boy and a girl. Obviously, over the years I reminded myself that there is a 50% chance of having a baby of either gender, and I knew I would be equally happy with a girl, but I do think it is kind of special and magical that my first daydreams about my own child always starred a dark-haired and adorable boy.

And no, before you ask, I didn’t pick out a name for my little boy back in high school because I always found it so hard to feel connected to any male names (although I did entertain the name Henry for awhile, naturally). Now, 10 years later, my husband and I do already have a name picked out for our baby boy which I highly doubt will change, so we’ve already started referring to him by name and have spent some time each night picturing what he will look like and how he will act and how terrifying but incredible it will be to raise him. I will probably share our name choice with you all sometime soon, so stay tuned for that!

In the meantime, I wanted to share the picture my husband and I put together to announce the gender of our baby to our friends and families on social media. Ironically, we went with a royal theme (no surprise there!) which seems all the more fitting now that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have shared their equally amazing news. ♔♔♔

If you have any guesses of what you think the name we chose is, let me know in the comments – I’d be so interested to hear!

JNG

Girl with a Green Heart

The Heart of the Matter ~ An Exciting Announcement!

It has been a very long time since I had anything to say on this blog and that, I think, requires an explanation.

If I’m totally honest, reading and writing book reviews has been the last thing on my mind for the past 4 months. Since the end of January, I have been distracted, unable to focus, overly tired, anxious and generally not feeling like myself at all. I could barely keep my eyes trained on a book for more than a couple of pages, and I found myself unable to even sit still long enough to pick up my book to begin with. While this is something that would normally really worry me because it is such out of character behaviour, I had an explanation for why my mood and attention span were so altered, and so I decided to just go with the flow and not be too hard on myself. Admittedly, I would normally find it really difficult to go easy on myself, particularly in relation to my reading goals, but in this specific circumstance, I truly had no other choice because my body isn’t just my own anymore.

That’s because (you may’ve already guessed it)… I’m pregnant!

I’ve heard it’s quite common to find reading very hard when you’re in your first trimester of pregnancy, and I can certainly say that was the case for me…hence the severe lack of updates and posts here. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world! Sure, I’m not going to be anywhere close to reading the number of books I did last year…but, then again, I am growing a human inside of me and am going to be raising that human into (hopefully!) a fellow avid reader, so I figure it’s okay to cut myself some slack right now. Not only that, it’s pretty hard to sit silently on my couch with a book when all I want to be doing is chatting with my husband about our little nugget, watching YouTube videos uploaded by young moms, or talking on the phone with my own mother to get advice and tips for navigating this new, terrifying and exciting time in my life. Who has time for books when life is so thrilling, am I right? 😉

I mean, I should clarify that, thankfully, I am now getting back on the reading bandwagon and have finished a couple of books (listed below, with my Goodreads ratings) in the last couple of weeks. I unfortunately didn’t sit down to write reviews of these books because I was just grateful to be reading again and didn’t want to jeopardize my momentum, but I hope to get back into writing reviews again soon. And, even if I don’t write as many reviews as I normally would, I do definitely want to write posts throughout my pregnancy as a way of documenting my journey.

So, with that in mind, here’s a little pregnancy update, if you’re at all interested…

The photo my husband and I created and posted to announce our pregnancy – expanding our family by 1 nugget!

~ I’m now 18 weeks pregnant, so almost at 5 months/the halfway point!

~ I found out I was pregnant in late January, so that was the reason I referenced in a few posts back then that this is going to be one of the most exciting and challenging years of my life.

~ Our baby is due in late September! A Fall baby…I am so into it!

~ My husband and I already have names picked out, one for if the baby is a boy and one for if it is a girl. We’ve had these names picked out for a few years now and we really love them and don’t think we’re likely to change our minds on them. I will probably write a post to share what the name we’ve chosen is sometime soon…and I will probably also reveal the gender too!

~ On a more serious note, my pregnancy has not at all been an easy one. I had no idea what to expect, seeing as I’ve never been pregnant before, but I certainly did not expect it to be this difficult. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from having a baby by any means because it is absolutely still the most rewarding, wonderful and magical experience! That being said, I wanted to be honest about my challenges because it can often seem like being pregnant is all sunshine and daisies when it honestly is not.

I was lucky enough not to experience any actual morning sickness, other than nausea in the morning and at night (knock on wood I don’t start throwing up now because I jinxed it!). My particular pregnancy challenge has come in the form of severe and heightened anxiety. I’ve mentioned here before that I suffer from anxiety and have since I was in high school, and it is definitely one of the biggest challenges in my life. That being said, I never thought I would experience more extreme anxiety when I was pregnant – it is something that is quite common even in women who have never experienced anxiety in their lives before, but it just wasn’t something I was aware of. I have been battling with my anxiety for about the last month and a half, though, and I kind of feel like it has been the battle of my life. That may seem overly dramatic, but I can honestly say that I have never felt this nervous, panicked and unlike myself in my life, and none of my former coping mechanisms have been able to help me, probably because of the insane amount of hormones that are currently being unleashed in my body. I have a lot of support from my doctors at one of the best hospitals in Canada, though, so that is very reassuring, and my husband, family and friends have been super loving and caring as well. It is a daily struggle, however, and although I’m feeling better with each passing week, I am having to be very conscious of my thoughts and moods and have started to explore meditation techniques that I never would’ve tried in the past if I didn’t have this added push to do so. I’m also reading as much about anxiety as I possibly can, and am trying to understand my mind in a way that I haven’t been able to thus far in my life. It has been, at times, an incredibly sad and depressing process to try to work through my anxieties, and I have also felt hopeless and helpless, but I am doing everything I can at this point to get myself into a healthy mindset, and I know that after doing this sort of work, I will be a stronger version of myself than ever before…which is really the best possible outcome I can think of before becoming a mother. All that to say that my number one priority is to keep myself, and, by consequence, my baby, healthy, and even though that means I’ve had to re-evaluate some things and reset my mentalities a bit, there’s no other choice that I could imagine making. If you’re a parent, you’ll understand…and if you’re not yet, I hope you one day get the chance to understand my urge to do whatever is necessary to protect my child!

~ Another thing I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around is that this baby will bring with it a change in identity for me…from who I’ve always been to A Mother. Now, obviously I’m not expecting to change who I am drastically. My husband is constantly reminding me that he was so excited to have a baby with ME because of who I am and my personality, and so none of that should change just because the baby is actually on its way. And he is so right – I definitely want to be as much myself as possible while being a mother. But that doesn’t change the fact that now my number one priority in life will be this child and my most significant job will be to be its mother. It really is amazing how, once you find out you’re pregnant, your mindset does start to shift and things that were formerly important to you seem a little less critical and monumental. I think this is something that it’s also quite hard to understand until you become a parent, but there is already nothing I wouldn’t do for this child and I would put it before absolutely anything and anyone. If that’s selfish, then so be it, because I don’t think that it’s possible to care about or prioritize your child too much. That’s just the perspective I’ve always had (most definitely because I have incredible parents who gave me the world and continue to be hugely supportive to me!), and my husband is in total agreement that having this child begins an entirely new chapter for us where this baby is and always will be #1.

And sure, maybe that will mean giving up certain things that have been important to us in the past like, for example, reading goals. Maybe I’ll never be able to read as many novels in a year as I once did, or maybe I won’t be able to go on certain types of trips, or maybe I’ll have to re-evaluate my routine in a whole number of ways…but if I’m doing all that to keep my child healthy and happy and well taken care of, then it is a trade I have no hesitation making!

It sort of reminds me of this quote I read a few years ago where Thackeray was talking about Charlotte Brontë and said:

“‘rather than have fame rather than any other earthly good or mayhap heavenly one she wants some Tomkins or another to love her and be in love with.’”

That quote has always touched me because it emphasizes the fact that Charlotte would’ve given up being a celebrated author in order to have someone to share her life with. I took that to mean that all Charlotte wanted in her life was love, and that she would’ve traded any amount of success to have a husband and a family. I personally think that’s an amazing sentiment, and those are the aspects of life that I have always wanted to prioritize myself. So, doing everything I can for my husband and my baby is a no brainer, in my opinion!

I hope this post wasn’t too boring, even though it has very little to do with books. I just couldn’t wait to share this exciting news any longer, and I hope you’ll all be interested in a few more baby-related posts to come soon!

Books I’ve Recently Finished:

1) Let That Sh*t Go: How to Find Peace of Mind When You’re Standing in Line at the Grocery Store by Kate Petriw and Nina Purewal

❥❥❥(out of 5)

2) Roomies by Christina Lauren

❥❥❥❥(out of 5)

3) Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren

❥❥❥❥(out of 5)

4) The Deal by Elle Kennedy

❥❥❥❥(out of 5)

Janille N G

Girl with a Green Heart

A Change of Heart…and a New Frame of Mind

I wrote recently about how 2018 was my best reading year ever. I somehow managed to finish 75 books throughout the year, and this was despite the fact that I switched jobs and so lost some formerly valuable reading time during lunch breaks and in the evenings. I don’t think I’ve read 75 books in a year ever, and if I have, it was probably in university when most of the books were selected for me by my professors. At the end of 2018, I was elated and proud with my accomplishment, and looking back at the year and the titles of all the books I read, I was utterly amazed that somehow I still remembered them all.

Staring fondly at a very old book in my happy place, The Morgan Library.

But, what’s that saying again? New year, new you. When January 1st, 2019 rolled around, I immediately set my Goodreads goal to 50 books (just like I did in 2018) with the intention of pushing myself to read 75 books this year again…or more, if possible! For some reason though, my mentality toward reading, and particularly toward the reading challenge, was different as soon as I cracked open my first book of 2019. Although as of this moment I am technically 4 books ahead of schedule with my goal, I have had days where my heart and mind just have not been in my book and I have taken a break from reading on these days. However, that reading challenge is always there in the back of my head, whispering about all the time lost when I’m sitting watching TV or browsing Pinterest, and I found myself feeling guilty and almost anxious about not forcing myself to dig into my book. This seemed totally paradoxical to me because reading is meant to be my escape, not an added source of anxiety. I love reading because it takes me away from the burdens and responsibilities of my real life, and to have it become a symbol of stress was incredibly disappointing and worrisome. I also recognized that on the days I “took off” from reading, I needed to because I was feeling emotional or exhausted, and so slogging through a prescribed number of pages of my novel wouldn’t be healthy or productive. I couldn’t fault myself for taking the break, but I also did feel that number flashing in my mind: 50 books you MUST finish!

I’m sort of an all or nothing person, and I’m very goal-oriented, but today I had this realization that something’s gotta give! It’s one thing to be focused on goals and checking tasks off a To-Do List at work or school, but in every day life, it’s simply unnecessary and, for someone with my Type A tendencies, unhealthy. So, with all that in mind, I made the tough (for me, at least!) decision to reduce my Goodreads goal to…1 book. This basically means that, since I have already read 10 books this year, I have officially achieved by 2019 reading challenge. Now, of course, I still want to read as many books as I can this year…but I want to read because I LOVE IT and AM EXCITED ABOUT IT, not because it is an obligation. I would rather use the Goodreads challenge as a sort of counter, to track the books I’ve finished this year and be able to look back at them, than a concrete goal. And while it went against everything I’m about to reduce the number of books on my challenge, I already feel so much lighter and freer to read at my own pace and to sit down with my book when my heart is eager to.

I know a lot of readers feel the same way I do about reading challenges and how arbitrary they can be, and that has definitely given me an extra push to approach reading differently in the future. Like I said, reading is something I have always adored doing, and I never want that feeling of joy and peace to be taken away by a number or a competition.

Do any of you fellow readers feel this way about reading challenges? What is your approach to them? I’d love to discuss with you and get your feedback on my decision!

JNG

Girl with a Green Heart

JNG’s 2018 Reading Round Up

Happy New Year everyone, and thank you for joining me as I round up my reads (the good and the bad) of 2018!

You can find more bookish photos of me and my best friend on our bookstagram, Emerald & Opal!

I have to start by saying that I actually somehow managed to read 75 books this year!!!  I don’t mean to brag, but this is a pretty remarkable feat for me because I only set my Goodreadsgoal at 50 books, and what with starting a new job that has kept me extremely busy and has limited my lunchtime reading, and considering the fact that this was my first year being married and so it included a honeymoon when I didn’t read at all, I don’t know how on Earth I managed to surpass my goal by 50%.  But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of myself because back in university, sure I did a TON of reading and probably read around 75 books a year, but most of those were selected for me by professors and were required course readings. This year, though, I chose all 75 books, carefully curating exactly what I wanted to read and when, and I did write at least a short review (and often a very long one) for every single book.  I would easily call 2018 my most successful reading year ever!!!

With that said, I want to take stock of all the books I read in 2018.  I was originally intending to use the same “awards system” I established in 2017 to detail the best and worst of what I read in specific categories, but my reading turned out to be a bit eclectic and all over the place this year, so I felt like I should simply mention some standouts from various months of the year and explain why I was most connected to or infuriated by each one.  I also should mention that I’ve found in the last few years, and probably particularly in 2018, that my ratings have become incredibly nostalgic and sentimental – somehow, I’ve evolved into this person who, despite having a Master’s in English, can’t seem to rate books based on rigid or strict criteria.  Instead, I always and without fail assign stars to books based on how they make me feel, based on whether or not I get all warm and fuzzy while reading them and based on how many characters touch me profoundly and become friends to me.  Perhaps this isn’t the most consistent or sophisticated way to evaluate books, but I just can’t help it!  Ever since I was a young girl, reading has been an escape for me, and although sometimes school got in the way and made it more of a job, I’ve finally gotten back to a place where I am reading purely to entertain and enjoy.  Reading is, in that way, my life’s greatest salvation…and if that means I give a smutty romance novel or a far-fetched YA fantasy 5 stars every once and awhile because it made me smile on an otherwise trying day, well, that’s just fine by me!

January 2018

  • Stardust by Neil Gaiman – This was (*gasp*) the first Neil Gaiman text I ever read, and it really set the tone for many of my other reading choices in 2018.Without doubt, Neil Gaiman is the author I am most proud to have finally read in 2018, because he really is a genius and can write so many styles and genres, that it just blows my mind!  My husband is also a big fan of Gaiman’s graphic novels, and we ended up watching the recent TV adaptation of American Gods together in like all of one day, so reading Gaiman is something I can bond with my husband about as well, even though he doesn’t read novels and I’m not a huge graphic novel fan.  Definitely was missing out by not having Neil Gaiman in my life prior to this past year!
  • 99 Days by Katie Cotugno – I was not a fan of this book at all, and it was my first real disappointment of 2018. Trust me, unfortunately there would be many more before the year was through.

February 2018

  • The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid – This book was FABULOUS and was the first book of 2018 that really blew me away! I was sort of astonished by it, particularly because I had read several of Taylor Jenkins Reid’s books prior and was surprised by the change in tone with this book to something a lot more serious.  Huge fan of this read!
  • Snotgirl – Like I said, I’m not a big fan of graphic novels, but for some reason I fell in love this year with Snotgirl. I read the first two volumes this year and just adored the art style, even if the story seemed a bit all over the place.
  • Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez – This is the first book of 2018 that I thought I didn’t give my all to, and it made me wish I were back in school. This is a dense and powerful novel and I knew instantly that I would have to revisit it someday to fully comprehend its beauty.
  • Dating You / Hating You by Christina Lauren – I did not like this book that much and I was super disappointed by my first foray into Christina Lauren’s catalogue…but wait, they would soon do a complete 180 for me, so stay tuned!
  • Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon – I had some seriously complicated feelings toward this book because it was so easy and quick to read but struck me as very offensive.I still have yet to watch the film adaptation because I was just so over the story after reading it!

March 2018

  • Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman – Gaiman strikes again! I should mention that this is probably my favourite Neil Gaiman book I’ve read to date.

April 2018

  • Summer at Tiffany’s by Karen Swan – I finally picked up the sequel to Christmas at Tiffany’s, a favourite of mine, and adored it! I would go on to read many more Karen Swan books in 2018…and unfortunately, towards the end of the year, she did a 180 for me but in the opposite direction of Christina Lauren…
  • The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman – I am officially obsessed with him!

May 2018

  • A Court of Frost and Starlight by Sarah J. Maas – Talk about reading as an escape…here, I got the chance to revisit some of my best book friends, and despite how short the novel was, I loved every single moment of it.
  • A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray – This was another huge disappointment of 2018. I had this book on my To-Read List for years, and when I finally got around to reading it, I was like Waaah?!?!  Very upset about this one!
  • Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas – And thus began my journey into the world of Aelin…… I did take a brief break halfway through reading the series, but truly, this series shook me and has without doubt been the highlight of my 2018 reading journey!

June 2018

  • Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson – I read two books with this exact same title in 2018.This was the first and I loved it and am looking forward to reading more of Matson’s books very soon!

July 2018

  • Beautiful by Christina Lauren – And here it is, the first 180 of 2018: after being unenthused by Dating You / Hating You, I picked Beautiful up super cheap at the bookstore and blew through it. It made me feel warm and so happy, and was a definite favourite of the summer months!
  • Just One Day by Gayle Forman – Another major disappointment and one that I had on my To-Read List for so long too. I still have no idea what all the hype is about – and believe me, I wish I did!
  • The Greek Escape by Karen Swan – Loved this one, although not as much as Summer at Tiffany’s

August 2018

  • Since You’ve Been Gone by Anouska Knight – Book #2 with this title and I thoroughly enjoyed it as well!
  • Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman – I’m reading this book out loud to my husband and we still haven’t finished it, but it is extremely well written and is another testament to how incredible Gaiman’s talent is!

September 2018

  • Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas – This book broke me and the review I wrote of it is my favourite review I have ever written (and possibly one of the shortest too)!

October 2018

  • A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara – This book also broke me, and although a lot of readers have called it torture porn, I really liked it and found it very moving.I don’t regret reading this one whatsoever.
  • Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas – I still can’t talk about this one. I just…can’t.

November 2018

  • Roar by Cecelia Ahern – This was the worst book I read in 2018. I hate to be mean, but it was just way too simplistic and on the nose and cliché.  I was vehemently not a fan of this!
  • The Clockmaker’s Daughter by Kate Morton – But then again, I really wasn’t a fan of this one either. It was my first try at reading a Morton novel and I regret that I didn’t pick up one of her other books because I’ve noticed that a lot of her fans were confused by this one.  It truly was all over the place.

December 2018

  • The Christmas Secret by Karen Swan – 2018’s second 180 came when I struggled with this novel, even though it was written by an author I adore. But, I guess we can’t always love everything someone writes (unless they’re Neil Gaiman apparently)!
  • Jane by Aline Brosh McKenna & Ramón K. Pérez – I ended 2018 by reading a graphic novel adaptation of my favourite book of all time, Jane Eyreby Charlotte Brontë. And while it didn’t wow me, I was happy to return to some old friends at the end of a long year.

So that’s about it from me.  If you chose to stick around and read this entire round up, thank you so very much!!!

Now, I better get back to my first book of 2019…no time to lose!

xo

Janille N G

Girl with a Green Heart

A Soothing Balm to Remedy Another Mediocre Reading Experience ~ #JNGReads

Just a quick update on this Sunday night!

I recently finished two novels.  The first, The Clockmaker’s Daughter by Kate Morton, I found to be very disappointing, dry and confusing.  For that reason, I decided to move right into re-reading an absolute favourite novel of mine, A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas, which, needless to say, took my heart in its clutches yet again.  Short reviews for both of these novels are below, if you’re at all interested.

Thank you for reading, as always! xo

The Clockmaker’s Daughter by Kate Morton

Oh dear.

I really wanted to like this book because I’ve been hearing about Kate Morton for so long and truly expected to be touched by her work. But, I had a lot of trouble following the threads of this story, and while certain chapters were interesting and touched me (such as the ones about Elodie in the beginning and those devoted to Juliet and her young children), I just didn’t ever feel that engrossed in the plot and I found my mind wandering on several occasions. Sadly, I think this story was just too disjointed, and the things that were promised, like romance and suspense, were sorely lacking. There also was no real sense of resolution, particularly with characters like Elodie and Jack, and I found myself confused as to the point of all of the characters. This story didn’t need to be as complex as it was and probably would have been easier to follow, better written and more enjoyable if characters like Elodie, Jack, Lauren, Ada, Leonard, Juliet and Tip were excluded (not to mention unnecessary side characters like Pippa, Alastair and Penelope). Basically, I wonder why, if this book is called The Clockmaker’s Daughter, it didn’t simply stick to her storyline and call it a day?!

Pretty disappointed with this one, unfortunately!

❥❥ (out of 5)

 

A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas

(Reading for the second time.)

Somehow, I thought that re-reading this novel, knowing what would happen, might make it a little easier…and yet, I feel like I could throw up right now at the end of it.

Somehow, knowing what Rhys is to Feyre from the beginning made their courtship, his evident uncertainty and longing throughout, that much more agonizing and heart-wrenching.  Somehow, remembering what would occur in the final chapters, how their bond would be severed (even if not truly), made me at once anxious and terrified to get to the end. Somehow, getting to spend more wonderful time with characters I have grown to love and think about almost every single day since encountering them for the first time made saying goodbye to them again, just moments, ago that much harder.

Re-reading a favourite book isn’t always easy, I guess…but somehow, sometimes, it just feels necessary.  It feels like coming home after a long day to a couch by a fireplace, in a townhouse surrounded by snow and night, and sitting curled up beside a dear old friend.

This novel touched my heart last year when I read it for the first time, and as my heart ached last weekend, I knew it was the one balm I needed to revisit.  For that, it will always get infinite stars (oh, how fitting!), from me.

JNG

Girl with a Green Heart

JNG’s Weekly Round-Up ~ What I’ve Read and Been Up to Recently

Hello and Happy Sunday, dear Readers! My apologies for not having a Weekly Round-Up for you last week.  I had every intention of posting a review for the book I finished two weeks ago last weekend, but I must admit, … Continue reading

How I Read ~ Reading Habits Book Tag ~ #JNGReads

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I am very pleased to be back with you this afternoon after having been included in a lovely bookish tag by the amazing Catherine at This Is One for the Books. Catherine’s reviews and posts are always so well-written, thorough and passionate, and she is the perfect reader to follow along with on her Goodreads and Twitter (her tweets always get me laughing and thinking) – I’d highly recommend giving this fellow Canadian of mine a follow! Thank you again for the tag, Catherine! xo

Now, onto the questions that Catherine has tasked me with answering, all of which are about my reading habits. These questions were such fun to answer as they got me thinking about how I read and why I read in a certain way.

(Sidenote: Feel free to follow along with me, and my best friend Camille, on our bookstagram account Emerald & Opal to see more photos like the one above!)

  1. Do you have a certain place at home for reading? 

When I was still living with my parents (just over a year ago), I would always read in my bedroom because my dad would be blaring hockey on the TV and I would find it impossible to concentrate. But, since moving in with my husband, I now read on the couch in our living room, and if my husband is watching a TV show or playing a videogame (as he is right now, beside me – shout out to anyone who has played the game “Witcher III”!), he is kind enough to throw on headphones so that I can still curl up and cuddle beside him but not have to contend with the noises from whatever he’s doing. My dad could learn a thing or two on TV watching etiquette from him – haha! 😉

  1. Bookmark or random piece of paper? 

Bookmark all the way – I’ve been collecting them since I was a kid, and I am currently using one that I got when I was in London on my honeymoon, from the Victoria & Albert Museum.

Fun fact, though: My mom uses a square of (unused, obviously!) toilet paper as her bookmark…and she’s always losing it, which I guess is okay because she has like an endless supply. But needless to say, I find this a bit of an odd preference!

  1. Can you just stop reading or do you have to stop after a chapter/a certain amount of pages? 

Like Catherine, I prefer to stop at the end of a chapter so that I can remember where I left off, but I often read on my subway trip into work, so this isn’t always possible. I don’t usually have a problem remembering what part of the page I left off at, though, because I will always make sure I finish the paragraph I was reading, even if I have to pause in the subway station before walking to work.

  1. Do you eat or drink while reading? 

I will definitely have a drink with me while I read – right now, I’m sipping on an Arizona iced green tea, but I usually have an earl grey or English breakfast hot tea. Or water if nothing else is available, but that just doesn’t feel special enough as a reading beverage most often. Like Catherine (again), I can’t eat while I’m reading because it requires that I look away from the page too much to make sure I’m not spilling my food, which I tend to do a lot because I am the world’s messiest eater!

  1. Multitasking: Music or TV while reading? 

Nope, definitely not! I have tried listening to classical/instrumental music while reading before, but even that distracts me. The only time it works okay is if I’m reading in a coffeeshop because background noise doesn’t get to me.

  1. One book at a time or several at once? 

Always one book at a time! I’ve never been able to read multiple books at once, ever since I was a kid, because I find it so hard to stay focused and keep the stories straight. Also, I’m an all or nothing kind of person, so I prefer to focus all my energies on finishing one book and then moving onto the next one.

  1. Reading at home or everywhere?

I read everywhere! I always have a book with me to pull out on the subway or during my lunch break, and sometimes I even feel too restless and distracted by household chores to read at home, so I’ll head out to my favourite Starbucks so I can focus on nothing else but my reading goal for the day. (I’m a bit crazy so I’ve set a goal for myself of reading 100 pages a day…it’s almost like daily homework, but more fun!)

  1. Reading out loud or silently in your head? 

I read silently because I find it really hard to absorb a text when I read it out loud…but I have started reading Neil Gaiman’s book Norse Mythology aloud to my husband because he’s not much of a book reader (he prefers graphic novels) but he really wanted to hear the story. I feel like the style of Norse Mythology lends itself to being read aloud, though, so it has been working out well so far.

  1. Do you read ahead or even skip pages?

Okay, confession time: I always read the last sentence of a novel at the start. I know this is probably a controversial thing and some (most) readers will think I’m insane, but I just have had this habit forever, and my brother actually does the same thing. Yes, this does result in spoilers a lot of the time, but I’m not at all bothered by that, and usually it just makes me eager to read even faster and find out how the characters could’ve gotten to those circumstances by the end!  

  1. Breaking the spine or keeping it like new? 

I can’t imagine ever breaking the spine of a book. Blasphemy!

  1. Do you write in your books? 

I do sometimes. I have no qualms about writing in a book because I started the habit in university to highlight passages and make little notes, and I like to do that now when I find a quote that really speaks to me. I also (*gasp*) dog-ear pages of my books if they have a passage I really like so I can find them easily later, and I love looking back at a book and seeing all these pages dog-eared and knowing I must’ve loved the writing a lot!

Well, that’s it from me – thanks again to Catherine for tagging me because this was a ton of fun!

I would like to tag the following awesome bloggers (no pressure to answers these questions, but just wanted you to know I’m constantly inspired by what you write!)…

Emma | Lily | Crystal

Janille N G

Girl with a Green Heart